Karma?
The law of reaping and sowing?
Generational curses?
Sin?
Bad choices?
Life plans made before incarnation?
As an adult survivor of child abuse, I know suffering. And I have never seen or heard someone within the spiritual community say that sometimes the “reason” for our suffering is because someone chose to be an abusive asshole to us. I’m sure someone’s said it somewhere. I’ve just never heard it come from within the spiritual community yet.
Instead, especially within spiritual communities and with religious-minded people, from denominational Christianity to New Age communities, oftentimes the narrative is one that minimizes and covers up abuse. Abusers are protected and defended while their victims are vilified and humiliated. It’s a culture that not only breeds abuse, but also ignorance and callousness, sometimes stemming from an ego-centric, feel-good spirituality that refuses to be informed of the long-term effects of abuse. I’ve seen and experienced mocking and ridicule of victims, and the conversation around suffering is often one that blames the victim, whether explicitly or implicitly, for the long-term effects of, or even for being the cause of (!!), the abuse.
These spiritually toxic, insensitive, broad-sweeping attitudes are very often retraumatizing and they are rarely checked or corrected, which is the major reason why I don’t fit in very well in any spiritual groups I’ve come across.
But one thing I’ve learned about suffering and the healing process: it’s not my fault I was abused, it was out of my control, I did not “ask” for it or bring it on myself in any way, and it’s not fair that I was left to suffer the lifelong effects. But I can take control of my now, my present, and build myself and my life one day at a time through grace and self love. I wasn’t in control of the abuse, but I am in control of the healing.
Regardless, here’s my message about suffering to the spiritual community at large:
It is beyond the scope of our understanding to attempt to explain the reasons for other’s sufferings. We can only come to understand our own.
If in sharing of our suffering, someone else can come to understand the reason for theirs, then that’s a bonus, but not to be expected.
It is not our business to judge the reasons for other’s sufferings. It is our business to help within our capacity.
There are many ways to help. Sometimes the best help is to freely give with no expectation of receiving anything in return; sometimes the best help is to allow a person to figure it out on their own with or without our emotional support; or sometimes the best help is to help a person learn to help themselves (“teach them to fish,” as the saying goes). These options are three among many, and discernment is necessary for each situation.
But however is best to help, it is never our business to judge someone’s suffering.
The Law of Love in three equal manifestations is what Jesus taught, and this can be applied in every situation: the love of God, the love of Self, and the Love of Others. (Matthew 22:37-40)
Self-reflection over self-righteous judgement is a cornerstone of a healthy spiritual life.
Blessings,
Scripture for Contemplation
Proverbs 14:31
Proverbs 19:17
Isaiah 58:7
Mathew 25:31-46
Luke 6:20-42
Luke 10:25-37
John 9:1-5
James 2:15-16
Hebrews 13:16
Galatians 6:10
1 John 3:17-18
etc.
Diary of a Christian Mystic 